From Expectations to Intention

Reclaiming the Present Moment

Most of us are walking around with a backpack full of expectations — of who we should be, how we should show up, and what we should be doing.

They sound like:

• “I should be more productive by now.”

• “I need to have it all figured out.”

• “If I just do more, I’ll finally feel okay.”

And maybe the most exhausting one of all:
“If I don’t come through, something bad will happen.”

These aren’t dreams or goals. These are internalized rules built from years of unmet needs, unspoken pressure, and survival-based coping strategies.

Where Do These Internal Expectations Come From?

You may have learned to expect things from yourself as a way to avoid punishment, disapproval, or chaos.

You became the one who “held it all together.”
You had to—because no one else would.

And while that hyper-responsibility helped you back then, it’s no longer serving the life you want to live now.

When internal expectations drive your every move, you start:

• Holding yourself to impossible standards

• Overworking, over-giving, over-fixing

• Living from pressure, not presence

The Shift: From Expectation to Intention

Here’s the core difference:

EXPECTATION

INTENTION

Based on past survival or future fear

Rooted in present-time awareness

Often rigid and perfectionistic

Fluid and responsive

Feels obligatory

Feels aligned

Driven by fear of failure

Driven by desire to show up fully

Expectation says: “You have to.”     Intention says: “You get to.”

Letting Go of the Internal “Shoulds”

Here’s a quick practice to help you reconnect:

1. Pause.

2. Ask: What am I expecting of myself right now?

3. Then ask: What do I actually want in this moment?

4. Feel the difference between pressure and presence.

This isn’t laziness.
It’s liberation.

You don’t have to earn your worth through productivity.
You don’t have to push through panic to prove your value.
You’re already enough — even before the to-do list gets done.

Say this to yourself:

“Today, I choose intention over expectation.
Today, I trust myself to show up with presence, not performance.”

And then… take the next step from there.

Are You Ready to Release the Pressure?

When Expectations Get in the Way of Connection

We all have expectations.
Sometimes they’re quiet—an unspoken hope.
Sometimes they’re heavy—loaded with years of conditioning.

And whether they’re about others or ourselves, expectations often pull us out of the present and into disappointment.

The Trap of Expecting Others to Meet Our Needs

It sounds like:

• “They should’ve known better.”

• “Why didn’t they follow through?”

• “I thought they cared more than this.”

And it feels like:

• Resentment

• Letdown

• Powerlessness

But here’s the truth: When we place expectations on others without consent, we hand over our power and set everyone up for failure.

Even when our intentions are good—like hoping a friend continues healing or a partner reads our mind—we’re often reacting from past wounds or future fear… not present-time clarity.

Expectations become the unconscious rules we set for others to follow. And when they don’t?
We judge, withdraw, or spiral.

And Then There’s the Flip Side…

When others place their expectations on us, we can feel:

• Pressured to perform

• Afraid to disappoint

• Guilty for having needs

It’s like we’re constantly auditioning for a role we never signed up for.
If you’ve ever felt responsible for someone else’s emotions, reactions, or peace… you’ve been carrying their expectations.

Ask yourself:

“Am I doing this because I want to, or because I think I should?”
“Whose voice is guiding this choice—mine, or theirs?”

So What’s the Alternative?

It’s not about having no expectations.
It’s about shifting from expectation to desire and communication.

Try this:

• Instead of silently expecting someone to show up… ask for what you need.

• Instead of waiting to be let down… check in on your assumptions.

• Instead of assuming it’s your job to meet someone’s needs… pause and consider if you even want to.

We stay in our power when we own what we want and release the belief that someone else must deliver it for us to feel okay.

Want to explore this more?

Ask yourself:

• What’s one expectation I’ve been holding that feels heavy or old?

• Is this something I actually want—or just something I hope will fix something else?

• How would I feel if I let that expectation go, just for today?

How can you release yourself from expectations today? 🌸

Challenging the Inner Narrative

We all carry stories. Some are empowering. Others quietly sabotage our progress, whispering old fears into new moments.

Many of these internal narratives began in childhood — in homes where we weren’t protected, supported, or seen the way we needed to be. When caregivers weren’t able to provide stability, attunement, or emotional safety, we became the ones who had to adapt. And those adaptations became our stories.

Take Sam, a smart, sensitive client who constantly felt responsible for fixing the failures of others—especially people in authority. If his boss forgot to prep for a meeting or left out key information, Sam panicked and jumped into action. He’d rewrite agendas, anticipate everyone’s needs, and work late making sure things didn’t fall apart.

Why?

Because deep down, Sam believed:
“If they mess up, I’ll be in trouble.”

That voice wasn’t rational — it was old. As a child, Sam’s caregivers offloaded their adult responsibilities onto him. He was expected to cook meals, care for siblings, manage chaos. If things didn’t go well, he was punished — not the adults. His nervous system learned that safety meant staying ahead of the next failure.

This is what unhealed stories do.

They hijack your attention.
They distort the present.
They create urgency where none exists.
They convince you that your job is to make others OK, so that you can finally be OK.

But here’s the truth:

You were never the problem.

Those who were meant to nurture you simply didn’t have the tools.
You survived the best way you knew how.
And those coping strategies? They were brilliant. They kept you safe.

But now, they may be holding you back.

If you’re ready to challenge your own inner narrative, here’s a process to try:

1. Notice the inner voice.
   What story is playing on repeat?
   (e.g. “If I don’t fix this, I’ll be in trouble.”)

2. How do you feel when you believe it’s true?
   What happens in your body? Do you tense up? Withdraw? Over-function?

3. Does the feeling feel familiar?
   Not just the situation — the emotional tone of it. Is it old?

4. Trace it back.
   Can you remember feeling this way as a child? What was happening then?

5. See the truth.
   Could that child have done anything differently?
   Was it really their job to manage the situation? Or were they simply doing their best?

6. Let them off the hook.
   Offer that younger version of yourself love, compassion, and truth:

“You were never the adult in the room.
It wasn’t your fault. You did your best.”

1. If it feels supportive, write a few words to the people from that time.
   Let your adult self speak truth to the situation.
   (Even if you never send it.)

When we see how our inner narrative was formed — not by truth, but by survival — we reclaim our ability to choose differently.

You’re not failing. You’re not flawed.
You’re waking up.
And now that you can see the pattern, you can shift how you respond, what you carry, and what you no longer need to carry.

Let’s go back to Sam.

Now that he understands where his old story came from, he’s no longer run by it.
He no longer feels the pressure to over function or “save the day” at work.

Instead of reacting with panic when someone drops the ball, he pauses.
He reminds himself:

“This isn’t mine to fix.”
“They are capable adults.”
“I can let them figure it out.”

And then… he gets back to his work.
With more clarity. More space. More peace.

This is what happens when you challenge the inner narrative.
You make new choices — based on reality, not fear.
You return to your rightful self-leadership.

Are you ready to change your inner narrative? 🌸

When They Just Can’t Stop Talking

Some people weren’t listened to as children.

They weren’t seen, heard, or invited to share. So, when they finally do get attention — they talk. A lot. They go into every story, memory, emotion, and trigger in vivid detail. Often without realizing it.

If you’re on the other side of this — if you’re the friend or partner who always listens — this blog is for you.

You might feel like the “dumping ground” for every download, every over-explanation, every spiraling thought they have. You love them. You want to support them. But it’s exhausting. You’re not sure how to ask for space without hurting their feelings — or making it worse.

So, let’s talk about it.

When someone talks endlessly, or complains about their life, it’s not because they’re selfish or inconsiderate. It’s usually because something inside of them is still trying to be heard.

As a child, they weren’t witnessed. They didn’t feel real, safe, or emotionally received. And so now, when they feel someone is finally listening, their system panics:

“This might be my only chance! I have to get it all out now!”

It’s not a conscious choice. It’s an inner child survival response. Their body is trying to repair what was missed — and it often comes out fast, messy, and intense.

Being aware of this doesn’t mean you have to endure it.

Here’s what you can say to gently interrupt the dynamic, while still honoring their need for connection:

• “I’d love to listen, but I only have about 10 minutes. What’s the most important part to you right now?”

• “I want to be present with you — but my energy is low. Could we talk again when I’m more resourced?”

• “It helps me stay with you if you can keep it short and share what’s most important.”

• “I hear there’s a lot. Would it help to write some of it down and share the highlights?”

And yes, you can say:
“Hey, I love you, and I need to step away now. I’ll check in later.”

You are not their only source of support. It is not your job to fix, hold, or absorb everything they’ve never received.

If the same person continues to dominate the space — even after you’ve set clear boundaries — it may be time to reflect:

• Do you feel responsible for managing their emotions?

• Are you avoiding the discomfort of saying “enough”?

• Have you made yourself the “safe space” without checking to see if it’s something you have or want to give?

Being kind doesn’t mean being a container for chaos.

People who talk too much often feel deep shame afterward.
People who shut down or ghost out of overwhelm often feel guilt.

What we all want — is to connect.

The healthiest relationships are ones where both people are seen, both are self-responsible, and neither must abandon themselves to stay in connection.

You can be loving and have limits.
You can be compassionate and say "not right now."
You can care deeply without becoming their caretaker.

What helps you listen without losing yourself? 🌸
I'd love to know.

The Currency of Attention

We think of money as the most powerful currency in the world.
But there’s something even more potent, more immediate, and more creative:
Your attention.

Where you place your focus is where your energy flows.
And where your energy flows, your life begins to shape itself.

Our attention is like a spotlight. Wherever it lands, everything else fades into the shadows. When you buy a new red car, you start seeing that same red car all over the road.

If you walk into a room and worry you won’t be liked, your brain will immediately begin scanning for proof:

• A side glance = “They don’t like me.”

• A pause = “They’re judging me.”

• A yawn = “I’m boring.”

This isn’t paranoia. It’s biology. Your attention shapes your perception, which then dictates your behavior, which then reinforces your experience.

So, the story becomes true — not because it was, but because you fed it enough attention to make it so.

Let’s say you're worried your boss is disappointed in your work.
Instead of focusing on what went well, you start mentally replaying all the little mistakes or incomplete pieces. You walk into the meeting already apologizing, over-explaining, pointing out flaws — and suddenly, that’s all your boss sees, too.

They may not have noticed anything — until you put their attention there.

You fed that belief with your energy and unknowingly invited them to match it.

Now, flip the script.

Imagine your friend tells you about a new idea they have, and they’re a little shaky about it.

Instead of poking holes or pointing out everything that could go wrong (aka, fear-based attention), you light up. You ask questions from a place of curiosity and belief. You reflect their excitement back to them.

Your attention becomes an energetic investment in their courage.

That’s when they rise. That’s when they feel brave enough to take the next step.

Your positive attention became the fuel for their expansion.

We don’t realize how powerful we are.
Every moment, you’re spending attention — like energy dollars.

Are you investing in fear… or in faith?
In self-judgment… or in compassion?
In lack… or in the vision you’re creating?

Here’s how to begin shifting your attention toward the life you actually want:

1. Check your thoughts.

• What’s the “headline” in your mind today?

• Would you want to read that every day on repeat?

1. Redirect gently.

• When fear or criticism shows up, say:
  “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I choose to focus on what’s working.”

1. Use your attention as a gift.

• Today, give someone your full, kind attention — and notice what shifts in them.

What you focus on, you feed.
What you feed, grows.
So ask yourself:

What kind of world are you building with your attention today? 🌸