Some people weren’t listened to as children.
They weren’t seen, heard, or invited to share. So, when they finally do get attention — they talk. A lot. They go into every story, memory, emotion, and trigger in vivid detail. Often without realizing it.
If you’re on the other side of this — if you’re the friend or partner who always listens — this blog is for you.
You might feel like the “dumping ground” for every download, every over-explanation, every spiraling thought they have. You love them. You want to support them. But it’s exhausting. You’re not sure how to ask for space without hurting their feelings — or making it worse.
So, let’s talk about it.
When someone talks endlessly, or complains about their life, it’s not because they’re selfish or inconsiderate. It’s usually because something inside of them is still trying to be heard.
As a child, they weren’t witnessed. They didn’t feel real, safe, or emotionally received. And so now, when they feel someone is finally listening, their system panics:
“This might be my only chance! I have to get it all out now!”
It’s not a conscious choice. It’s an inner child survival response. Their body is trying to repair what was missed — and it often comes out fast, messy, and intense.
Being aware of this doesn’t mean you have to endure it.
Here’s what you can say to gently interrupt the dynamic, while still honoring their need for connection:
“I’d love to listen, but I only have about 10 minutes. What’s the most important part to you right now?”
“I want to be present with you — but my energy is low. Could we talk again when I’m more resourced?”
“It helps me stay with you if you can keep it short and share what’s most important.”
“I hear there’s a lot. Would it help to write some of it down and share the highlights?”
And yes, you can say:
“Hey, I love you, and I need to step away now. I’ll check in later.”
You are not their only source of support. It is not your job to fix, hold, or absorb everything they’ve never received.
If the same person continues to dominate the space — even after you’ve set clear boundaries — it may be time to reflect:
Do you feel responsible for managing their emotions?
Are you avoiding the discomfort of saying “enough”?
Have you made yourself the “safe space” without checking to see if it’s something you have or want to give?
Being kind doesn’t mean being a container for chaos.
People who talk too much often feel deep shame afterward.
People who shut down or ghost out of overwhelm often feel guilt.
What we all want — is to connect.
The healthiest relationships are ones where both people are seen, both are self-responsible, and neither must abandon themselves to stay in connection.
You can be loving and have limits.
You can be compassionate and say "not right now."
You can care deeply without becoming their caretaker.
What helps you listen without losing yourself? 🌸
I'd love to know.