How our fear of letting others down keeps us from our own truth
Why do we work so hard to avoid disappointment?
We don’t want to feel it.
We don’t want our kids to feel it.
We definitely don’t want others to feel it about us.
Disappointment is one of those “unacceptable” emotions many of us learned early to bypass — especially when it made the people around us uncomfortable.
When we expressed dislike or dissatisfaction, we were often met with:
“You should be grateful.”
“Think of the kids who don’t have this.”
“Don’t be so negative.”
And just like that, we learned:
Disappointment = wrong.
Gratitude = good.
This is how the bypass begins.
đźš« Gratitude Used as Control
This dynamic still happens at dinner tables everywhere: a child says they don’t want what’s on their plate, and instead of being heard, they’re guilted — told they should feel grateful.
It’s subtle, but powerful.
They’re not allowed to feel disappointed.
They’re told their emotions are wrong — and comparison is used to silence them.
This creates a split in the child:
→ They stop trusting their feelings
→ They disconnect from internal truth
→ They associate disappointment with failure or being “too much”
We carry that into adulthood, and then wonder why we:
• Overcommit to avoid letting others down
• Say yes when we mean no
• Try to fix everything before anyone else feels the sting of unmet expectations
All because we’ve been taught that disappointment is dangerous.
That it’s better to suppress, hide, or solve… than to feel it.
🧠Disappointment Is Data
But here’s the truth:
Disappointment is a compass.
It shows us where something didn’t land.
Where we didn’t get what we needed.
Where we had an expectation — spoken or not — that went unmet.
It’s not the emotion that’s the problem.
It’s what we do with it that matters.
If you can allow yourself to feel disappointment without judgment — without blaming yourself or others — you unlock the deeper message:
→ What was I hoping for?
→ Where did I not speak my need?
→ What gets to shift now?
🔄 Real People, Real Patterns
One of my clients was deeply frustrated with the leadership at her company — but never addressed it directly. Instead, she vented to others, feeling unseen and powerless.
But when she named the root disappointment, she was able to course-correct — and eventually made an empowered exit.
Another client avoided disappointment by saying yes to work his team couldn’t handle.
He absorbed it all himself — burning out to “keep everyone else happy.”
Once he learned to let disappointment speak instead of suppressing it, he began setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and working in true partnership.
đź’ˇ The Shift
This isn’t about choosing disappointment.
It’s about listening to it.
When you let disappointment have its message, you unlock choice:
→ You can renegotiate expectations
→ You can say no with love
→ You can stop fixing what was never yours to manage
The more space you give this emotion, the less power it has over you.
It stops controlling you from the shadows… and starts guiding you toward your truth.