If our old beliefs feel bad, how do we move to ones that feel good?
Three key steps;
1. take responsibility for the limiting belief,
2. feel and express the feelings that go with believing it’s true
3. focus attention on feeling the opposite experience
A couple of years ago, I became aware that I felt criticized and controlled at work and in several of my relationships. I just hated feeling that way. It brought out my inner-rebel who wants to retaliate, or my scared little girl that wants to run and hide.
My first step to feeling better was to take responsibility for creating the experience for myself in the first place. As I felt my way into it I realized that control and criticism was a very old experience that I had while growing up. I also could see that my ego used control and criticism to motivate me 'to be good enough.' It would tell me things like, ‘if you would just do things right, then others would treat you with respect’. In the past, when I didn't feel good enough, I simply tolerated criticism and control since it matched up with my belief about not being good enough. I believed it was true, so therefore I deserved the criticism and control.
My second step was to write and speak what my inner child really wanted to say. This meant writing down everything that I always wanted to say to the people in my life who treated me like this and feel the feelings that went with it. I did not share this with those people that I had this experience with in the past, I simply let it be expressed on paper and shared it with a few good friends that could be present and listen without judgement. This way I felt seen and heard without having to change what was true for me in any way.
My third step was to identify what I wanted to experience—the opposite of criticism and control. For me, support and encouragement were the opposite experience and that is what I began to focus on. I focused on all the ways and places that I am supported and encouraged. I stopped believing my ego's internal criticism and control as true, and shifted over to offering support and encouragement to myself. I focused on dropping my criticism and control of others and offered support and encouragement to them instead.
Just a few months later, I had very few experiences of feeling controlled or criticized, and SO MANY experiences of feeling supported and encouraged. It is amazing, and I am grateful.
What experiences would you like to feel good about today?
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