How one little word keeps us stuck in what we want to change
"I'm trying."
"I'm really trying."
"I'm trying so hard."
How often do you hear yourself saying these words? How often do you hear them from the people around you? We use them all the time. And we usually say them with a sense of pride, frustration, or even exhaustion. After all, trying is a good thing, right? It means we're making an effort. We're doing our best. We're taking responsibility for making things better.
Or are we?
What if "trying" is actually one of the most insidious strategies our ego uses to keep us stuck? What if it's an exit strategy disguised as a badge of honor?
The ego Loves a Good Exit Strategy Our ego is incredibly clever. Its primary job is to keep us safe, and it does that by keeping us operating within the familiar—even when the familiar isn't particularly comfortable or fulfilling. One of its favorite strategies is to convince us that we're doing something to change our circumstances without actually requiring us to take responsibility for creating a different experience.
Consider the word "trying." - Think about it.
When we say we're trying, we're essentially telling ourselves and everyone around us that we're making an effort. And if things don't change? Well, we tried! We did our part. We made the effort. What more could we possibly do?
See how that works?
"Trying" becomes our evidence that we're doing something, while simultaneously giving us permission to remain exactly where we are.
It's the perfect exit strategy. We get credit for the effort without having to take ownership of the outcome. And when the outcome isn't what we wanted, we can retreat into the familiar story of being a victim of our circumstances.
"I've tried everything."
"Nothing ever works for me."
"I don't understand why things aren't changing when I'm trying so hard."
Sound familiar? The ego has successfully convinced us that we're doing everything we can, and life simply isn't cooperating.
The Vicious Cycle of Trying Here's where this gets really interesting. When we're focused on trying to change something, where is our attention? On the very thing we don't want!
"I'm trying not to be afraid."
"I'm trying to stop worrying."
"I'm trying to be more confident."
"I'm trying to get my life together."
Every one of these statements reinforces the idea that we are not yet where we want to be. We continue telling ourselves a story about what is missing, what isn't working, or what we haven't yet become. And the more we repeat that story, the more familiar and believable it becomes.
From an energetic perspective, we continue vibrating at the frequency of the experience we're trying to escape. From a psychological perspective, we're reinforcing the beliefs and patterns of attention that keep that experience alive. Either way, the result can be the same.
We become so focused on trying to create something different that we keep recreating more of the same.
It's a vicious cycle. And the most insidious part? We don't even realize we're doing it. "Trying" has become such an accepted part of our language that we wear it like a badge of honor. We believe it proves how hard we're working. But what if it's actually revealing how deeply we're stuck?
Trying and Practicing Are NOT the Same Thing Now, you might be thinking, "Isn't trying just another word for practicing?" Not necessarily. And the distinction matters.
Trying can become a story about effort. Practicing is an intentional commitment to growth. When we're trying, we can become focused on what hasn't happened yet.
"I'm trying to be more confident."
"I'm trying to set boundaries."
"I'm trying to change my life."
Notice what's underneath those statements: I'm not confident yet. I'm not good at setting boundaries. My life isn't what I want it to be. And as long as we're focused on what we aren't, what we don't have, or what isn't working, we're reinforcing the very story we want to change.
The ego loves this! It gets to keep reminding us of what's missing while convincing us that we're doing something about it. And when nothing changes, we have our explanation ready. "But I'm trying!"
Now consider what happens when we replace trying with practicing.
"I'm practicing speaking with confidence."
"I'm practicing setting healthy boundaries."
"I'm practicing making choices that align with the life I want to create."
Feel the difference?
Trying can keep us focused on the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Practicing puts us in the process of becoming. Practicing acknowledges that we're learning, that we may be uncomfortable, that we may not get it right every time.
And that's okay! Because practicing isn't about proving that we're making an effort. It's about consciously engaging in the experience of growing. There's no need to defend ourselves with "At least I tried." Instead, we get curious.
What did I learn?
What worked?
What didn't?
What will I choose differently next time?
And here's what I find particularly powerful - When we're trying, we can unconsciously make the outcome responsible for how we feel about ourselves. When we're practicing, we take responsibility for how we show up, regardless of the outcome.
That's a HUGE shift. It moves us from waiting for external circumstances to validate our efforts to recognizing our own capacity to learn, choose, and grow. And it interrupts the ego's favorite exit strategy. Because when we're practicing, a setback isn't evidence that we're incapable. It's information. We're no longer asking, "Why isn't this working when I'm trying so hard?"
We're asking, "What am I learning, and what am I choosing next?"
Of course, someone can use the word "trying" while taking meaningful action, just as someone can say they're practicing while avoiding responsibility. It's not the word alone that creates the pattern. It's the unconscious belief and intention behind it. But our language can help us recognize those beliefs. And that's why changing one little word can be so powerful. Trying gives the ego an alibi. Practicing gives us an opportunity to grow.
A Real-Life Example of the Power of One Word
A dear friend of mine has been navigating cancer for the past several years. As you can imagine, her journey has been filled with challenges, uncertainty, fear, and enormous effort. Over time, I began noticing something woven throughout her language.
"I'm trying to feel better."
"I'm trying to stay positive."
"I'm trying to figure this out."
"I'm trying to get my energy back."
And underneath those statements was a recurring question:
"If I'm trying so hard, why aren't things changing?"
That question was leaving her feeling increasingly powerless. It wasn't that she wasn't taking action. She absolutely was. But her language kept reinforcing a story in which she was working so hard and still not getting the results she wanted. We began exploring what might happen if she simply removed the word "trying" from her vocabulary.
Not because she needed to work harder. Not because she was responsible for having cancer or for the outcome of her treatment. But because she deserved to experience herself as powerful, resourceful, and actively engaged in her life, regardless of what was happening around her.
She began listening to herself.
And whenever she caught herself saying "I'm trying," she consciously chose a different way to describe what she was doing.
"I'm working on..."
"I'm learning about..."
"I'm beginning to understand..."
"I'm focused on..."
Something remarkable happened.
Her energy soared.
By changing just one word, she was interrupting an unconscious habit and bringing herself into the present moment. Instead of reinforcing the story of what wasn't happening, she began recognizing what she was actually doing. Instead of focusing on what was missing, she began seeing what was possible. She was no longer describing herself as someone struggling to get somewhere. She was describing herself as someone actively participating in her own life.
And that changed how she felt about herself.
The ego Doesn't Give Up That Easily! The other day, she sent me a text. As I read it, I noticed something extraordinary. There was only ONE instance of the word "trying."
One!
For someone who had been using that word constantly, this was a huge shift. When I pointed it out, she didn't even notice it at first. But when I looked more closely, I discovered something fascinating. The word had appeared in connection with something she wanted to become—something she didn't yet believe she was capable of being.
And there it was. The ego's familiar story.
"I don't have enough experience."
"I don't have enough talent."
"I don't have enough energy."
"I don't have the right network."
In other words: "I'm not enough."
The word "trying" had slipped right back into her language at the precise point where her limiting beliefs were being activated. Coincidence? I don't think so. Her ego was offering her a familiar escape route.
If she was only trying to become this new version of herself, she wouldn't have to fully confront the fear that she might not be enough. And if she didn't succeed? Well, at least she tried.
But this time, something was different. She could see it. And once we can see an unconscious pattern, we have the opportunity to choose something different.
Changing Our Language Changes Our Relationship With Ourselves - What I love most about my friend's experience is that she isn't simply replacing one word with another. She's changing her relationship with herself.
When she says, "I'm learning," she acknowledges that growth is happening.
When she says, "I'm working on," she recognizes her active participation.
When she says, "I'm beginning to understand," she creates space for discovery.
When she says, "I'm focused on," she directs her attention toward what she wants to create.
Each statement brings her back into the present moment. Each statement reminds her that she has choices. And each statement interrupts the ego's familiar story of limitation. She's discovering new possibilities that she couldn't see before.
And here's the really wonderful part. Her son has now taken up the challenge, too! He's begun noticing and removing "try" from his own language.
One person's shift in consciousness is influencing another. Imagine what might happen if we all began paying closer attention to the stories we're telling ourselves.
Yoda Was onto Something - Remember Yoda from Star Wars? "Do. Or do not. There is no try." I used to think that was simply a clever way of encouraging commitment. Now I think there's something much deeper in it. When we say we're trying, we often leave ourselves an escape route.
When we consciously choose what we're doing, we become active participants in creating our experience.
That doesn't mean everything will work out the way we want. It doesn't mean we won't make mistakes, experience setbacks, or encounter circumstances beyond our control. And it certainly doesn't mean we can control every outcome simply by changing our thoughts or words.
It means we stop using our effort as proof of our powerlessness and start recognizing the power we have in how we choose to participate.
That's a very different way of living.
Ready to Give Up Trying? Here's my challenge to you. For the next seven days, eliminate the words "try" and "trying" from your vocabulary. Not just when you're speaking to other people. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself, too. When you catch yourself using either word, get curious.
What am I actually doing?
What am I learning?
What am I focused on creating?
What am I beginning to understand?
And perhaps most importantly:
What story about myself am I reinforcing when I say I'm trying?
Don't judge yourself when the word slips out. Remember, this is an unconscious habit, and habits take awareness and practice to change. Instead, celebrate the moment you notice it. Because in that moment, you've interrupted the pattern. You've created space between your unconscious ego story and your conscious choice. And that space is where transformation begins.
The Choice Is Yours Our words are powerful. They reflect our beliefs, reinforce our identity, and influence what we notice, feel, and experience. And sometimes, the smallest shifts in our language reveal the biggest opportunities for growth.
"Trying" can keep us attached to a story about how hard things are and how little control we have. But choosing, learning, exploring, practicing, and creating put us back in the driver's seat. We may not be able to control everything that happens in our lives.
But we can become conscious of the stories we're telling ourselves about what's happening—and choose whether those stories empower us or keep us stuck.
So, the next time you hear yourself say, "I'm trying..." Ask yourself: Am I describing what I'm doing—or am I giving myself a way out?
Because "trying" just might be the exit strategy you didn't know you had.
And you don't have to keep using it.