Do you believe that we are responsible for other people's feelings? If others tell us we hurt them, is it true? Can we really hurt others by simply being ourselves?

Many of us have learned that it's our job to make sure others feel Ok about themselves or the situation. It's like a bargain we have made unconsciously with each other: "I'll make you feel OK if you make me feel OK." This is a sure way to lose touch with our true responsibility for ourselves, and how we give our power away to others.

What if the reality is that we are only responsible for how we respond to ourselves and others? Could it be that we can't really be hurt by anyone else? What if the hurt we feel from another's words or actions is simply a match to our limiting beliefs about ourselves (that we are too fat, too slow, too much, not strong enough, not a good parent, etc.)? If we believe it is true, we become the ones making ourselves feel bad about what we think is true. If we didn’t’ believe that about ourselves, we would not take things personally and realize they have nothing to do with us!

Quantum physics demonstrates that our experience really is all about our relationship with ourselves--not about our relationship with others. The quantum field is constantly bringing us experiences that match our beliefs about ourselves... including other people’s words and actions.

The bad news about this new perspective is that we can no longer blame anyone for making us feel bad. The good news about it is that no one can actually hurt us. We can only be hurt when we believe what others are saying/implying about us is actually true about us.

When we believe that something is wrong with us, or that we are not enough, it will show up in how other people relate to us. We may find others being controlling, critical, sarcastic, rejecting, angry, resentful, neglectful or blaming with us. When they do this, we feel hurt because our ego tells us that these reactions are because something is wrong with us, or that we are not enough. We believe that we have no choice but to tolerate this type of hurt from others because deep down we believe their perspective about us is true. If we look deeper, we can see that we treat ourselves this way and have not yet found a way to become kind and supporting of ourselves. As we allow the feelings behind these ideas to move up and out, we begin to realize that we are OK just the way we are and that there is no need to change for anyone else to feel better.

Once we realize that we are OK just the way we are, in fact we are exactly what’s needed, exactly as we are, we can relax. If others are treating us in negative ways, we don’t respond in the same way. We can see that their negative perspective is about them, not us, and we are simply a character in their own internal story. From this point of view, we can stand up for ourselves or step away if others are disrespectful or try and make their pain our responsibility. Others have not found a way to recognize and own their experience, so they project it onto us. When we realize that other people’s responses are about them and not us, we don’t need to take their response personally. If it’s not about us, then there is nothing to be hurt about in the first place. What a shift in perspective!

Uncovering, challenging, and changing our limiting beliefs is the key to inner peace. We can do this when we don't believe another’s words about us are true, and we remind our ego what is true (we are fine just the way we are). No one can hurt us when we remember another’s words, feelings and behaviors are a statement about how they are dealing with their own internal pain and confusion about themselves – not us. How they feel and what they do and say is not about us – it never has been. 

 What old hurts are you willing to see differently today?